“She’s Strength in Every Weakness, Beating in a Heart You Cannot Steal”

I have been thinking about posting on this topic for a while now, but like usual life got in the way of my blog so I put it off over and over again.  But after reading this article that my darling friend Krissie sent me yesterday, I realized it was time to take a few minutes and finally share my thoughts on the subject. 

I am about to turn 32, I am single, and I am blissfully happy.

This topic has become a hot one as of late because at my current place in life I seem to be surrounded by a lot of newly single people who are looking to me for guidance as how to handle this unfamiliar territory.  At first it bugged me that I was becoming the guru of singledom, but then as I started to actually listen to their pleas, I really heard what they were saying to me.  They are in admiration of how I live my life as a very happy single person who hasn’t given up on love and having a successful and healthy romantic relationship.  Before I go any further let’s take a moment to  recap on how I got to this point…

The reality of what brought me to this point was the fact that I made an effort to get here.  I decided I wanted to change my thinking and my views on the world and my life, so I worked to discover from within what makes me happy and what kind of life I want to lead.  Case in point – this blog and the subtitle I gave it back when I first started.  I was in a consistent rut of dead-end ‘love’ situations and losing myself  when a giant kick in the head came my way and made me realize it was time to get out and let go of this cycle for good.  It was an uphill battle over that period of time, but damnit the view looks pretty friggin awesome from the top now that I’m here.

Back to my original point.  When I’m approached by these newly single (and often younger girls) on what to do,  I now always tell them the cliché (but true!) answer of you have to find out what makes you happy first.  Not what society tells you, not what your parents or friends tell you, but what your gut and every inside part of you tells you.  Do the things that you talked about doing when you were a kid.  Do the things you sit and daydream about while you’re at work.  Do the things that scare the living shit out of you.  Toss all excuses aside and find a way to make them happen.  Because you know what – these are the things that make you happy.  Not roses on Valentines Day from a boyfriend you may or may not give a crap about when it all boils down to it.   (I’m sorry, but if I talk about my favorite band in a more positive way than you talk about the man you ‘love’ then something is seriously wrong with your relationship and no you don’t want to marry him).

Yes, I read a lot of self-help books and yes, I’m a seriously big self-reflector, but I don’t need that to realize if you’re not happy in your life as a single person, you’re sure as hell not going to be happy as someone’s other half.  Trust me and everyone that tells you the same – another person can’t make you happy and pretending they do or will is the recipe for disaster.  If you find yourself in a bad relationship, you may sugar coat it and put on a good front, but deep down the resentment and regret is brewing, creating the death cocktail of your relationship.  I can say all of this because I have lived it in some shape or form over and over again.  I wanted so badly to be in love that I grasped at straws trying to put anything I could together all the while wondering why I wasn’t happy.  The simple answer revealed itself and I am forever grateful to have seen and ran with it. 

Now to all you unhappy single ladies out there this is my advice to you.  Explore.  Life, the world, the unknown – all of it.  Get out there and start your own journey to figure out what really makes you happy – ON.YOUR.OWN.  Grab your best single girlfriends for support (if you don’t have any, make some STAT for they will be your lifeblood), and get out there and experience life.  It will bring you to levels of happiness you never knew existed.  And while you are doing this, keep the faith.  I know it sounds corny but part of the key to being happily single is to remain bitterness free.  Cliché number 2 – your time will come.  If being attached is something you really want in life (myself included), it will come when you just start enjoying life and let the negative feelings, ideas, and needs go.  There is a reason why I find myself getting hit on, talked to, etc more and more these days – the happiness is coming through and the negativity is gone.  I know it will happen for me one day and I know how right it all will be.  Until then I’m going to have a damn good time on my own.  And best part, I know that when the relationship comes I won’t change a thing about how I live my life.  I will simply just have a partner in crime. 

PS – Age is nothing but a number.

25 Feb This entry was published on February 25, 2011 at 12:32 pm and is filed under Daily Life, Lessons Learned, Love, What makes me happy, Who I Am. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.