Disclaimer: I hope this post doesn’t come off as arrogant or conceited – it’s just a topic I really want to talk about and for those of you that know me you will know it’s none of the above.
I have struggled with self-esteem issues for a really long time, but the most prevalent being during college. I’m not sure what it was about that time – the new surroundings, new people, unfamiliarity of it all – but as an undergrad I developed a ton of insecurities that I never had before and it brought me to a very low view of myself. I was thrown into a situation where I had to meet a ton of new people for the first time since I started high school and with that daunting task my self-image plummeted. As my blog readers know, I have had the same group of girlfriend since elementary school so being without that crutch for the first time in my life was beyond overwhelming. Here I was in a new place, starting from scratch, and I was terrified.
I really have no idea how the idea got into my head, but from day one I was convinced no one would like me. My thoughts were the following: I was fat, I wasn’t pretty enough, I wasn’t funny, etc. Every negative thing a person could think about themself – I did – times ten. Unfortunately, this caused a very large wall to form around me and I retreated within myself. Instead of being open and friendly to everyone, I was guarded and suspicious. Thankfully, I managed to open up to some people and create a handful of amazing friendships that I have to this day, but I very much wasn’t the person that I am today. This is why when graduation day came I was more than happy to leave and start all over again.
All of this brings me to today and the state of shock and gratitude that I currently have seeing the multitude of friendships I have formed over the last few years and that I’m still forming. To have people regularly telling me how great I am, how much they enjoy having me as a friend, and that I’m the kind of person every wants to be near, is best feeling in the world for someone who spent years convinced that I wasn’t a ‘likeable’ person.
